Jerusalem – The evil winds of secular, anti-motherhood terror are blowing in our sector. “Taliban mom” and the “starving mother” are just twigs in a fire that has been burning for a while. During the recent Kolech conference, several sessions were dedicated to family planning. The unequivocal demand of the organization’s members is to spread the word of limiting birth. “It’s possible,” they say, “It falls in line with Halacha! Even male rabbis understand it now!”
And they don’t only talk about numbers, bust also about the age factor. Why should young women give birth before they graduate from university? And before they integrate into the job market? And before they complete a second degree, without which they’re not worth much? And how can they expect a meaningful, fulfilling career in between pregnancies and births?
This goes against everything I believe on this issue. I’m not shamed to say that in my view, the greatest gift we can give ourselves and our children is a big family. Very big. Plenty of brothers and sisters who will grow up to be the anchor and home of each and every one of them. And us.
I believe it’s best to start having kids as young as possible, soon after the wedding, and before egotistical needs take precedence in our life. Yes, even before we grow a fake brain that tells us we should fulfill ourselves as well.
Because unlike the other things we might succeed in outside the house, there’s nothing like the complete fulfillment that stems from love and happiness at home.
I truly believe this, and strongly oppose the feminist secular terror that tries to influence us, with all the means at its disposal, to think that motherhood is the worst thing a woman can inflict on herself. Reading women’s journals and watching so-called reality shows, one can easily get the impression that these women’s one child (maximum two) is ruining their life, poses impossible demands, and that the “natural motherhood gland” was probably invented by women… like me.
And truthfully, as long as it stays there, in “their” magazines and “their” TV, and in their super-egocentric, spoiled, repulsively self-centered worldview, I couldn’t care less.
But when this penetrates my own sphere, our sphere, I recognize a threat to the number of my future grandchildren and great-great grandchildren. And for me this is an important warning sign.
I want to encourage the young women (and, of course, their spouses) who are deliberating this issue: You don’t have to obsessively deal with family planning. Don’t believe those who tell you you’ll miss out on something in life if you have many kids. You’ll miss out no matter what; the question is where you will lose more and where you will gain more, and how your family will look like in 20 or 30 years.
Don’t believe such expressions as, “Sure, religious kids raise one another.” They don’t. They learn to live together, in cooperation and mutuality. Don’t believe such words as, “The parents can’t give so many kids enough attention.” No child needs the amount of attention given by parents who raise only two kids (me, me, me). And don’t be tempted to believe the phrase, “I don’t have a moment to myself.” Sometimes you do and sometimes you don’t. But it’s better not to have a moment because you’re busy with your family, rather than not having a moment because you’re organizing a feminist conference on family planning…
Children bring joy. Trust me.