New York – Halachically Speaking: Simchas Chosson Vekallah – The Mitzvah


    New York – Being that in the month of June there are many weddings, we will be presenting over the next week many halachos that apply to Simchas Chosson Vekallah

    We all attend weddings and have a great time eating, talking, dancing etc. However, one has a mitzvah to rejoice with the chosson and kallah, do we all do this? What is the mitzvah? How should we perform this mitzvah? By dancing? By saying nice words? Is going to the chupah sufficient to fulfill this mitzvah or one has to actually attend the seudah? How far must one go in order to fulfill this mitzvah? All these and other questions will be addressed in this issue.

    The Mitzvah

    It is a mitzvah d’rabbanan to make a chosson and kallah happy, as part of the mitzvah of veahavta lereiacha kemocha. This mitzvah lasts for the entire seven days of sheva berochos and not only the night of the wedding. Included in the mitzvah is to make sure that the chosson and kallah have what they need for their wedding. Some opine that the main mitzvah is only where the chosson and kallah are needy people or if there are not many people who will be attending the wedding. There is a separate mitzvah of “bringing a kallah to the chupah.”


    One who makes a chosson happy is zocheh to Torah, it’s as if he has sacrificed a korbon todah in the Bais Hamikdosh, and as if he built one of the ruined houses in Yerushalayim.

    Enjoyment from the Wedding

    One should not have enjoyment from the wedding without making the chosson and kallah happy. Nonetheless, even if one did not have enjoyment from the seuda one still has a mitzvah to make the chosson and kallah happy.

    It is preferable not to come at the end of the wedding when there will be no food to eat since the chosson may feel bad. However, today this is not the case so the above would not apply. Even where there is no food, if one says “I did not come to eat only to say mazel tov” then coming at the end is okay.

    The above article is reprinted with permission exclusive to VIN News from Halachically Speaking, a monthly publication compiled by Rabbi Moishe Dovid Lebovits, a former chaver kollel of Yeshiva Torah Vodaath and a musmach of Harav Yisroel Belsky Shlita. Rabbi Lebovits currently works as the Rabbinical Administrator for the KOF-K Kosher Supervision. To subscribe to Halachically Speaking via email for free sign up at

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    1. The biggest issue, by far, are the expectations of the chosson/kalah and their families regarding the size of the “gifts” (aka $$$$) from the guests. I was at one simcha in BP last year where the shver of the choson was openly complaining that the gifts were TOO LITTLE and not enough to buy the couple “a really nice condo”. If to be mekayem the mitzvah of making the couple happy we have to impoverish ourselves than I will be the first to announce NO MORE….be unhappy on your own nickle!!!!

      • Your particular comment right on point.

        To make the Chosson v’ Kallah happy, we must first equate what is happiness.And if it should be a lot, we must quantify and qualify the amount and type of lot. No two couples are the same. To bring simcha to a modest couple doesn’t take much. great dancing, positivity, smiles, blessings… just a “hello” can make a modest couple happy. To bring simcha to an obvious greedy couple, well for that, there is no miztvah. You do not have to make a greedy person happy! The act of indulging a couple who has an insatiable appetite for thousand dollar checks is like feeding a obese child loads of junk food for an entire decade.

    2. The rabbonim have taken steps to limit the cost of the chassanah and making a nice simcha affordable to the parents of the kalah. Now, its time to make a chassanah affordable to the guests, by focusing on the principle that simchas chosson vekallah is manifest in attending the simcha, joining in the singing and dancing and NOT measured in terms of the check left behind. If a smaller check does not bring simcha to them, they should really examine their midos and hashkafos.

    3. Perhaps the first part of this mitzva should be introducing more couples – generally, once they have a chupa the main happiness is there. Without a shidduch there is great tzaar. Let us focus more on this.

    4. BS”D

      A suggestion. Chupahs should be held on a weekday late afternnoon for family and Rabbonim only and the bentching should be early evening so that friends can come by at a decent hour for dessert, dancing and sheva brochahs. Simplisity , prudence and simcha,

    5. Chasanim and Kallahs are happy. I guess it is because they do not know what they are getting into, meaning they have to learn how to communicate, respect, commit to one and other, trust, share, honor, love each other, and take the responsibility of building a Binyan Aday Ad, with teaching children true Jewish values, etc. We can only make them happy by showing them that we are happy in our marriage, so that the divorce rate, R”L, would go down. Since the words of living happily ever after are not true, unless the couple work on it together 24/7.

    6. so many people get offended by not being invited to the wedding, and are so angry that they don’t even wish the couple “mazel tov”… maybe if people were less selfish and truy be happy for the newly weds that would be already a huge mitzvah


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