Brooklyn, NY – With Tisha B’av just hours away, many of us have difficulty relating to the destruction of the Beis Hamikdash hundreds of years ago.
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There is no doubt that the loss of the holiest place in the world should touch us deeply, but the passage of time has dulled the pain that we as a nation feel over the devastation wrought in Jerusalem so many centuries ago.
Yet today we are witnessing a modern day churban of our own, burying young members of our community at an alarming rate.
In an extraordinary lengthy emotional interview with Dovid Lichtenstein, Borough Park resident Avrumi Klein shares the story of his 20 year daughter Malky who died of a heroin overdose just weeks ago, a painful reminder that while the events of Tisha B’Av may have transpired long ago, tragedy and mourning continue to be a part of our lives.
A sweet, good natured girl, Malky began receiving resource room services when she was four, said Klein.
A teacher who told the class that Malky should have been left back inflicted the first of several major hits to Malky’s self esteem when she was just a second grader.
More blows followed as Malky’s high school acceptance was inexplicably rescinded weeks before school started. A second placement fell through weeks later as the school felt unprepared to deal with Malky’s extra academic needs and an offer by the Kleins to build and fund a resource room to help their daughter keep up with the workload was summarily rejected.
While Malky was finally accepted by a third school after months of being home, it was an exhausting experience as she spent all of her waking hours either in school or working with tutors.
By tenth grade the strain of having to invest hours to grasp what other students absorbed in minutes became too much for Malky and she dropped out of school completely, leaving her education and much of her religious upbringing behind.
It became clear to the Kleins that the rejection that Malky had experienced all too often in her educational career had left a deep imprint on her soul when after hearing about a local rabbi who had been given a prison furlough over the yomim tovim Malky blurted out, “they should put all rebbes, all teachers, all principals, everybody, they all belong in jail.”
Despite having supportive parents, Malky eventually began to dabble in drugs. On one occasion she explained to her father that drugs numbed the agony that was her constant companion, telling him “you do not know what it feels like being stupid every single day of your life. You can never feel that pain. That is what I feel.”
Malky’s continued battle against substance abuse lasted for years, coming clean first on her own and then going away to rehab when she found herself relapsing. She discovered a talent for art, painting vivid pictures that revealed a hidden gift but also spoke very clearly of her inner torment.
In time she felt ready to come back to Brooklyn, where she knew she would face accusing stares and the judgment of others.
In the one week that Malky was home with her family before she died, she overdosed on heroin twice. In the first instance, her father was able to bring her back from the brink of death by injecting her with a dose of Narcan, which reverses the effects of a heroin overdose. Malky’s second overdose proved to be fatal.
Five weeks have passed since the Kleins buried Malky, the fourth of their five children. In the pre-Tisha B’Av interview, Klein offered his advice to educators in the hopes of preventing yet another churban like the one that claimed the life of his daughter.
“I would especially tell principals and mechanchim and mechanchos to never think that they were born to be mechachim or mechanchos, that it’s in their DNA,” said Klein. “There is a lot more to learn of how to deal with kids that are not running on autopilot, kids that need extra help, kids that need guidance, kids that we need to be their GPS. Those are the kids that we need to concentrate on .”
Some children are more resilient than others and can withstand an insensitive remark, noted Klein. But for the others, a thoughtless comment can be devastating.
“One time telling a child in second grade that they belong in the first grade, they never ever get over it,” said Klein. “It makes them feel stupid for the rest of their lives.”
Klein recalled a visit he and his wife had paid to Ruchama Klapman of MASK after Malky was told to leave school in the beginning of ninth grade. Klapman called the principal of the school, asking them to reconsider their decision. Six years later, her words are eerily prescient.
“She picked up the phone and she called that principal and she said to the principal ‘I just want you to know if you don’t do something about this you will have blood on your hands.’”
Listen to full 1 hour interview below.
The interview was conducted by David Lichtenstein who runs a news programme every Motzei Shabbos and can be listened to online here at http://audio.headlinesbook.com/ Lichtenstein is the author of two books on the Halakha view on current events such as Terrorism, Gay marriage, Abortion, Missionary Activities, Insanity, Genetics, Vaccinations, etc. his book can be purchesed here
There is an amazing school in Brooklyn named Ichud Mosdos Hachinuch that helps children like this. It’s very similar to the program Cahal of the Five Towns. Same idea. Problem is it’s very expensive but they try to work with you. The other major problem is the supposed stigma on parents that their child is in such a program. This school does wonders!! Someone at Ichud many years ago told me if we do not take care of these childrens now, we will pay triple or more later in costs. At the time I did not understand what he meant.
I’m crying over this terrible loSs.. Hashem Yeracheim. We need watch over our treasures… May we see the day of Moshiach speedily in our days.
Myself I was a victim of this system, i was a very good Girl, I had zero issues, my only issue was I did poorly in my grades, because I suffer from dyslexia, after feeling shame and no support from any teacher nor principal, I decided to leave the community, I feel tremendous empathy for the Kleins. The problem is no one in the community stands up to the bullies who run the Frum school systems, and the tragedies will continue on and on, unfortunately.
Unfortunately this happens a lot. I know good boys that were not allowed into main stream yeshivos because of learning disabilities. And yes the feel stupid. I have seen some kods become very successful in collage were they have the resources to help these kids. But why should there frumkite suffer? Because the frum schools don’t want the stigma. Shame on them
I wonder what Mrs. Tabak (she calls herself Rebbetzin) who runs ‘Mesilas’ an elite girl school in BP has to say about this?? as long as her rich husband who lives in Israel gives the school money she doesnt care. and BTW I havnt seen the fabulous married woman who come out from that school. so what does the Elitism help?? so u have a brand name and u feel good on the street that everyone calls you Rebbetzin. Feh…
My heart goes out to this suffering family, may they not know any further tzar. Yidden, please, I share your frustration with the system, but we are 1 day from Tisha B’ Av, let us not make disparaging remarks about our fellow Yidden. Let us work to change this attitude, there are so many bright young men & woman who given the opportunity would love to help those who need scholastic help reach their full potential. Let us all remember to treat each other with loving kindness. It is time to abandon the “its all about me” attitude. B’EH may this be the last tanus and may we all welcome the arrival of Moshiach and be united in Yerushiliam.
Turns out the Satmar Rebbe Reb Yoel Zt’l was correct with his Chinuch Habunes. all they need is to be a good wife, all the problems we have now in the non satmar girls school stems from the school who want to compete with their brand name while teaching girls completely NONSENSE.
I have a daugher in one the brooklyn girls schools, what is this mishegas that all those schools the teachers make such an effort on the marks?? will my daugher be a better Jewish wife because of her grades? , I just go along with the system casue otherwise I will be shunned.
Thank you Mr Klien for courageously Sharing your strory. May you find comfort for this tragic loss.
The problem is that many rich guys who support all the yeshivas and schools are aware of this problem, and despite that, they continue to donate money to them, so their name is plastered all over in order to have Kavod, if the donors will halt all their donations until this issue is addressed, then there might be be a big change in our system.
7and This is what people of means in the mainstream deal with can u imagine what a poor Russian or sefardic kid go through?
If a school accepts any Gov. programs then they are violating your rights by rejecting a student. this can open up a pandorum of legal troubles to many schools.
Mr. Klein is a tremendous chizuk for me, how articulate in such circumstance to be so calm and encouraging.
What’s with you people #1 -#1 5? Or tell me MY head is not on straight? I sobbed for a bit, but I want tachlis. I want to know who was the pusher? Who sold her the heroin?
You think that’s not important? If the victim was a good girl, then the pusher was likely unzeren, likely also a girl, unless the victim was around boys for some reason, and the pusher isn’t going to make a parnassa on a single victim.
I’ll jog your memory. Remember Sept 10, 2013? That was when the NYPD busted one shomer Shabbos drug ring busted, headquartered at 4190 Bedford Ave, Brooklyn. They may have only been selling “soft” drugs for all I know, but I mention it to point out that this is around.
I pressed “send” too quickly. Even if the pusher who sold her the heroin isn’t unzeren, if she has one frum client/victim/junkie, she probably has others, either by word of mouth, or by the same way she hooked this victim.
My opinion is to drop for now all the talk about chinuch reform. Job one should be finding the pusher. Job two should be find the other junkies who are risk of killing themselves this way. The chinuch reform is important, but its urgency doesn’t match that of the need to get jobs one and two done.
there is no end to kids who fall through the cracks and the problem is in several areas.
One: teachers are not trained to be sensitive to special needs and the teachers themselves sometimes have personal issues that keep them from putting in 120% on any one child.
Two: parents often push their kids to fit into the mold of their community even when it does not fit in with the child’s special need.
When the child feels rejected by his parents, his teachers and even his peer group, the child seeks support else where, and normally that is from the drop outs out in the street.
HaShem Yerachem, that we should never have to hear or see of other tragic cases.
What a Tisha B’av story.
We need to make an Egla Arufa. We are all responsible.
Each and every one of us.
A beautiful girl. A gorgeous smile. Devoted parents.
What is going on? Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!
How many more korbanos, people? How many more?
Eini Eini Yorda Mayim.
I am so sad hearing this incredibly courageous, loving, devoted father. What a betrayal of a precious Yiddishe Neshama. What a betrayal!
Can we say our hands our clean and did not shed this blood?
Time to embrace every child “Basher Hu Shom”! Enough with the Elitism, with the waiting lists, with the entrance exams! Every child is a child of Hashem.
Enough, enough, enough.
Ad Mosai, Moshiach Now.
I would love to know which teacher told Malky you belong in grade 1, I wish her the same result to her child, or grandchild.
Thank you Mr. Klein for having the courage to speak up & not letting your beloved daughters passing gone unnoticed, most of us would be ashamed & gone in to hiding.
Unfortunately we all knew of similar situations that happened in the community with kids that weren’t forecasted of becoming the next Einstein, very few of us can do much, school’s & administrators won’t change, doners need their tax receipts, we as parents need to stick together and become a force that needs to be reckoned with, we need to establish a protocol that if one child isn’t accepted no other kids will show up.
I can’t comment on the BY of BP as I know nothing about it. I have mixed feelings on this tragic loss of a beautiful young girl from such a supportive family.
There’s no doubt her schools – & teachers – bear a massive responsibility for this tragedy. But…. I wonder if there are other factors as well. Abuse jumps out. Misdiagnoses of academic problems. Too much or too little help. Peer pressure. And as 18/19 said, the drug dealers who saw a vulnerable girl and sucked her in.
Every time I hear of such a tragedy I realize that yes, it DOES take a village. We as a community need to stop stigmatizing and pushing elitism, yichus & grades. We as parents (I am not referring to the Kleins or anyone specific) need to accept our struggling children & not try to force their square pegs into round holes. The trouble is, we are under pressure from “experts” who tell us how to “solve” these problems.
If anyone can make changes to this warped system, I believe it is the Kleins. They are incredible, courageous, honest people & I grieve for and with them over the loss of a child that began at age 4. I just hope lessons have been learned.
These are new problems that did not exist in past generations. When will we all wake up and see the effects of the Internet on our precious children.
When they did it to the children of baalei tshuvos, nobody cared.
When they did it to the children of geirim, nobody cared.
From a BT&G family it was obvious that the mosdos would eventually go after FFB eventually. That time has come.
A community can be judged by how it treats it’s least powerful members.
Many beautiful Torah families were destroyed. Totti learning Torah, bieber during the week, streimel on shabbos. Mommy with a shpitzel, skirt 5 inches below the knee and bullet proof stockings. Sweet children.
But loshon horah turns into shunning simply because of who your grandparents are. The modos haTorah have destroyed so many non-FFB families. Now there community has grown. So they go after weak students from FFB families. It was predictable.
When will the community stop listening to and following the PHONY Frum?
Don’t those people learn Avos where it says “Don’t Judge”?
The roshei taivos of Frum is:
Fill mit Recheilus, Un failt Menchlichkeit.
Menchlichkeit BEFORE YiddishKeit.
A True Story:
In 1969 when a bunch of hippies went to Bobov bais medrish on Simchas Torah to watch hakofos, the chassidim (eh hem ) made a whole balagan about the dress the look and how they should be thrown out. Reb Sholomo Halberstam stopped in middle of 3rd hakafah and slapped the table. He said NO, I want those people in front
Box Seats, to see the Torah Ohr. Show them the beauty, and they may thirst for more. Throw them away and they are lost forever.
Me, A friend of reb Moshe Spitz, and friend of the Beirach Moshe. Ate chulent with Aaron and Zalman Leib every shabbos . ( remember me ) But no those kids only made fun of my sport jacket or knitted yarmulkah, but not the rebbe, he welcomed me as I sat next to him hearing him daven. So now I have daughters, who went to Shulamith, nurses, midwives, self sufficeint contributors to not only the Jewish nation ( am ysiroel ) but would never think it a mitzvah to take Snap, WIC, Section 8,
Dear Avrumi,
I can’t say that I feel your pain. but I am also a father and I feel broken. You are a role model for all of us. I wish you strength and courage.
Mental illness is a major factor in today’s youth and that’s why many teens from all spectrum of life are self medicating. The food we eat is laden with toxins and this was all happening while our politicians were bribed by big Agra and Food Inc to look away.
While many people can point to a mechanech that saved one there is still not an an excuse to push out another. The interesting part is why did they choose one student over the other? There’s always a reason and mechanchim are humans like me and you.
Why aren’t we pouring millions into finding who the drug pushers are and have them arrested? Remember the religious looking Jew (won’t give any other descriptions) who was pulled over for something unrelated to drug possession and arrested for possessing millions of dollars worth of marijuana in the tractor he was pulling. People must’ve known he had a hot house and was growing?
Its sad that our school systems has become a starshow, who has a better name, it’s no longer about teaching true yiddishkeit, it’s all about PR, leaders of the schools compete to be known as the brand name of school.
Avrumi Hugs to you and your whole family during this difficult time .
This topic is one that has caused me and so many others great agmas nefesh, distress! I will listen to the audio later, but what has happened to Malky and is happening to so many girls and boys in our community is but a tip of the iceberg. I fear, the madness will perhaps end when every home has three or four children who are off the derech. Because right now, mostly every home has one, and nobody cares. We all have these children! What is the point of a Yiddishe chinuch? I would imagine, to raise Yiddishe children who desire to know the Ribono Shel Olam. To raise yet but another dor, generation! In this, we are clearly failing miserably. And, no it is not the internet that is robbing our children. It is these crazy schools who are run by people who are not fit because they are not mechanchim, or they are riddled with their own personal issues. Schools need to be run by gedolim. Where are our rabbonim? They are AWOL! Some years ago, I sat with dumb bells in my class. Everyone did. Nobody minded. And, you know what? They all did beautiful shiduchim and have beautiful homes. Some of them, have children who are wonderful students and learners! (cont.)
I am very sorry for this family’s loss.
Brooklyn has right now a crisis for lack of yeshivashe boys high schools. Every school wants only mezuyonim and there is no place for our boys! One example, Yeshiva Torah Vodaath, who had Rabbi Belsky of blessed memory. A Gaon Olam who they did not listen to because they are but one other yeshiva that is run by baal habatim. Four years ago, they brought in a horrible menahel and closed their doors to all children who are not metzuyonim. The excuse all schools are giving is, “we are not equipped”! Really… So, Torah Vodaath says, let our classrooms be empty! We only want metzuyonim! And, this from what was a community school! Good students don’t arrive out of the 8th grade. You have to make them! That is what good mechachim do! Any school that is unable to, needs to bring in better people and those people are out there. The irony here is that Torah Vodaath built up their elementary school because they brought in Rabbi Sabo who showed them how to work with children. But, when these children graduate, their school tells them they are no longer welcome. There are many more schools to call out, and I won’t hold back from doing so much longer. Neither should you!
As a parent of boys and girls who’s children are near the end of their time in the school system I can declare with 100% certainty that our schools are a complete and utter failure. Sure there are kids that survive the system, some even thrive but is at the expense of the majority who are not getting anywhere near the chinuch they deserve. The system was built and structured to meet the needs of only one type of child, the easy to educate, bright child who does not need any outside motivation to perform and succeed. These children are celebrated in schools despite the fact that succeeding is so simple for these kids. the teachers and rebeim are overmatched and woefully under qualified. Its takes years of intense training to become a doctor, lawyer, accountant, plumber, electrician, etc – yet anyone can get a job as a rebbe or a teacher in our schools. Some say we need to pay our teachers and rebeim more – I say they are paid too much given the poor jobs that they do. Unfortunately Malkies story is not unique. This is just the tip of the iceberg. There will be no solution to this problem as long as schools continue to care more about their reputations than happy kids.
Just finished listening to the entire interview, I have no words, I’m angry, but I rather not post when I’m fuming, meanwhile may the Klein family have a Nachumah.
Unfortunately this is not a new phenomena, but it has been swept under the rug for years. Maybe not with girls, but definitely with boys.
What I don’t understand, is why so many “claim” to be unhappy with “the system” but in reality just go along with it, and don’t kick up the fuss about what they pretend they don’t like and just continue to accept it.
Additionally, why, after so many years, are people still trying to fit the mold that the system dictates, when in reality, it does not work for them.
Thank you for posting the news about the girl who overdosed. I had a friend a talmid chochom and all around wise man who told me frimkeit wuithout rachmim is rishis, for someone like me who waS 4 YEARS in concentration camp it is hard tp swallow
I cannot imagine the pain this family is going through. At the same time let’s be honest here. She died from a drug overdose. Many people die everyday from it unfortunately. It’s a plague on our society. So let’s stop blaming others for our challenges. If the article puts light to the fact that the orthodox Jewish community has this problem as well as the general society then it’s very worthy. To blame a school or principal for your problems is disingenuous.
my eyes filled with tears reading this article. the photo of Malky and her parents shows so much love between them. Please don’t make this post into a way to insult or curse others. Make it into something positive in memory of Malky. If the school your child goes to cannot handle him/her perhaps it is the school and not the child. Leave no stone unturned till you find the school that is the right fit. MASK is a wonderful organization. G-d Bless all!
There are many good educators, teachers, the problem is there are a few heartless bunch of principles that run the schools, and they are the ones who cause havoc, teachers can’t do anything about it.
Frim keit without rachmim is rishis . Handling children needs compassion, be able to look at an individual and mostly a Yiddish neshomo of which so many were murdered, by gas, fire , shooting and just murdered
No one seems to disagree with #1 Maybe BOBOV 45 should stop paying a fortune for their rental.
The scary part of the story is even though parents can do everything right it can sometimes still end up in tragedy.. May the family find comfort..
Unfortunately many of the schools & kehilas have become exclusive vs. inclusive.
Even though its not the case here, but I have never seen a kid who is struggling with yiddishkeit start keeping yiddishkeit because someone gave him/her mussar. We need to truly love our children with no strings attached no matter how they behave because they are the ones who will carry on the generations. If you really care they should be erlich then love them with all your might & express it to them! Express to them how beautiful doing mitzvahs is! Even though it may fall on deaf ears initially but if you really love them no strings attached and YOU ARE SINCERE eventually it’ll get through
PARENTS (and mechanchim too), for those of you faking yiddishkeit (cutting corners) your kids see it all. Kids r smart & pickup baloney. You cant behave like you want & then expect your kids to be erlich all of a sudden. The levush is just a cover up (literally). Dont expect to hide behind your hat & jacket and everything is good
Teachers, WAKE UP! u can make a dif.
This tragedy is is a segment of a general malady afflicting us.
We worry too much about the length of the skirt, we appoint menahlim or mnenaheloth of institutions for which they Are not fit, but have someone on the board who backs them, the child of a person on a scholarship is not less deserving than a child whose parent cannot pay full tuition.
Baltmore had a Rabbi Benyamin Steinberg a’h , an educator and a tsaddik unfortunately he was niftar early due to Ca of pancreas .
Thank you VIN for reporting and pinning such an important article!
Tears, for the Beis Hamikdash. pure Sinnas Chinam. A beautiful girl. A beautiful neshama. Parents whose torment knows no end until we all band together with love for every yid, for every jewish child, for everyone who is labeled and bring them into the warm embrace of real yiddishkeit without any of our personal agenda’s.
Every one of us here are crying.
Mommy and Tatty Klein please keep your voice loud. hold your head high, you have the opportunity to save thousands of children’s lives.
Your daughter Malky was a Korban. Why Hashem needs so many Karbonas? Why Malky?
In Malky’s zchus I will hold my children tighter. I will wipe their tears with love. I will open my heart to their challenges and together we will bring Moshiach so you can hold Malky again.
I understand that the parents are grieving but it is NOT an excuse to go about blaming teachers, rabbeim, morahs and principles. Most educators put in their heart and soul for the success of their students. Anyone who attends any chinuch conference can attest that the majority of sessions are spent discussing how to reach out to the weakest of students.
It is unfair for parents to assign blame in public when hardly anyone is privy to the full circumstances of Malky’s unfortunate case. Sentiments such as “lock up all teachers…” are horribly wrong and revolting even when expressed in pain. It is equally absurd to attribute this tragedy to the comments of a second grade teacher.
It is clear from this article that Malky suffered from learning disabilities and schools by their very definition are focused on learning. The fact that the “system” did not work for Malky – and again we are not privy to what help the schools did offer and what else was going on in her life – does not rationalize the wholesale criticism portrayed in this article.
We can never think to ourselves that as a community ( or matter of a fact, any community..) we are perfect and we got it right and we don’t need any improvement. In the secular school system ( or even in the world) they constantly are looking for ways to improve to change to modify. There are oversight committees, special offices monitoring and constant changes and improvements happening. Simply if you look into the Ps system it is totally not the same how it looked decades ago. If you think, well now its perfect and it will stay like this, you’re wrong, the committees and oversights will stay there to improve and change again and again. What was good last year is not anymore good this year. Systems ( any) need to be updated on a regular basis.
My Point, i don’t think we should ever be satisfied in what level our schools are.I think our boro park school system which maybe perhaps was good at some point many years ago was simply never bothered to change with the times and challenges. There is no oversight no professional committee that hold schools responsible and push for change. just status quo, and that’s the burning issue. everything, everyone needs constant oil changes.
We have schools??? We have indoctrination institutions! A good chunk of the so called rebbes, teachers, mechanchim, and principals are hopelessly incompetent. A school has to be a good fit for the particular child. Some children excel in arts, others in engineering, some enjoy academics. A child in the wrong school is going to experience a living hell. Some manage to get by, others, like Malky, suffer horribly. Instead of having a wide range of different excellent schools, we have schools that force the same non-sense to thousands of children. I highly doubt that Malky was a “weak” or “special needs” student (obviously I didn’t know her). I suspect that if she would be in an actual “school” instead of being in an indoctrination institute, she would likely flourish and be happy. I hope the parents don’t feel guilty (I am sure to some degree is inevitable). They were stuck between one hell hole and the other hell hole.
i am a talmid from the 1960s school system and i come from the days when we got spanked on the bottom for NOT pointing my finger on the right Rashi and got spanked with a leather belt from a sewing machine. My Rebbes were all Holocaust survivors who were beat up in OLD europe school system and the saw all beatings from the war times.
the bottom line that they were mechanech Thosands and thousands of kinderlech who are today great-and grand fathers of dozens of einiklech and none of those talmidim went out letarbis roo and they all raised erliche dor of children.
Todays society where our kids have the best from all and yes they suffer from being rejected from yeshivas because of their poor grades or some learning disability.
Of course there are many fingers to point at who is to blame but i would like to make a point that we miss out on Misser seforim that tell us what causes Bad kids.
and( BAD has many definitions)…
Genyveh, Gezyleh, Machulis asirios, Talking during davening, Loshon Hora, Rechilis…all those avyres are some causes for what we see in our society those days. Of course the school system is alot to blame but if you look our selves in the mirror we might find our sel
I grew up davening in same shul as Mr. Klein and family. I remember him as a mild-mannered gentleman with permanent smile on his face to everyone. Twenty years later it struck me as if I knew him from the present because I have only pleasant memories of him. May he never ever experience any pain again, and only have pure unadulterated Yiddish nachas b”H.
The elephant in the room is, Parents who call up the school and threaten to take out their elite high mark daughter if the low mark girl will also attend, this is a fact of life that happens every semester before school starts, aks any school they will tell you, this is in fact true.
So, I do blame the teachers and principals who cave in to such threats. and to such parents who do that, I wish them suicide kids.
The real issue is that the community is only geared towards supposedly normal kids or kids that have very manageable disabilities. But, chas v’sholom there should be kids who are OTD or suspected drugs or other disability that is looked down upon in the community, and everyone runs for cover and shirks their responsibilities. It’s all about appearances and looking good and hiding things for purposes of shiddichim and to appear baal batish. It’s time to wake up and realize there’s a real problem with some kids who need intervention and other services as well.