Roshei Yeshiva Boycott Engagement Ceremony Because “Choson Is Too Young”

Thousands of ultra orthodox Jews attend a wedding of the grandson of the Rebbe of Lalov and the granddaughter of Kretchnif rebbe , in Beit Shemesh on September 12, 2019. Photo by Yaakov Lederman/Flash90

BNEI BRAK (VosIzNeias) — A Yeshiva bochur who got engaged last week discovered to his consternation that his Rosh Yeshiva, rebbes and friends did not show up to the vort and will most likely not even attend his wedding. The reason? The bochur is considered too young by his yeshiva to be getting married, since he is only in the fourth shiur, known as “kibbutz aleph”. The yeshiva’s policy is not to allow bochurim to get married before kibbutz beis or their fifth year in the yeshiva(generally this is about age 21)

The bochur who got engaged is the son of a prominent Talmid Chacham and attends the prestigious Ponovezh yeshiva in Bnei Brak, but the yeshiva has placed a moratorium on getting married before kibbutz beis and forbids bochurim from participating in such simchas. This practice is prevalent in a number of Yeshivos in Israel, since the Roshei Yeshiva are concerned that the weddings will cause a loss of intensity among the other bochurim in that age group and this will impact on their learning and on the rest of the Yeshiva’s studies.

It should be noted that in Chasidic yeshivas the bochurim are encouraged to get married early, at age 18 or 19, in accordance with the Mishna “Eighteen is the age to wed.”


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  1. No comment on yeshiva policy. Sometimes they are are quite reasonable, other times somewhere close to crazy. But I fear that there is an obvious point completely overlooked.

    I believe that Klal Yisroel has never witnessed as many divorces and failed marriages as occur these days. There is no single reason for it, despite the tendency for writers and commenters to shower blame at women, men, rabbonim, lawyers, etc. Having stated this, I do believe that one factor that is almost universal is the lack or preparedness for marriage. Learning “גופי הלכות” accounts for one small part of the marriage. There is much else to the relationship, and none of it can be taken for granted. When and how are all these areas taught? The teachers of chassanim and kallos, often doing far more than was done a generation earlier, are still far from the goal. Maybe earlier generations required less instruction on this. But to anyone that deals with couples in crisis, this factor stands out above the others (and there are usually many others).

    Much more important than the ages of the chosson and kallah is the maturity they bring to the relationship. Any policy on that?

      • Not necessarily. Govt benefits are not showered on women because they opt to leave a marriage, and getting onto the rosters is not always immediate. Can’t speak for their earnings because each case is different. Regardless, today’s world is tough to manage with a single income.

        If accusations of domestic violence are made, most states provide immediate benefits, and this is both critical if the accusations are true, as well as a disaster if they aren’t.

        It is often that a couple that separates have not made a rational decision that resulted from weighing of many factors, notably the challenges faced in the divorce process. So, it is correct that women can walk away from a marriage, but so can men. Sometimes everyone is better off when that happens. But a huge percentage of breakups end up in worse shape.


    • I think you have it all wrong this generation is literally blind and sooooooo selfish it’s all about “ME” and a very disposable generation, I mean everything. I don’t know how old you are since you mention doctor women men etc,. There is absolutely NO value today, everything from a penny to friendship, I know exactly when my friend siblings or great grandchildren are hurting in anyway. You know why because we NEVER bullied a friend, because we were the generation of the after war, every soul counted, we made a difference good or not, we NEVER threw food away, because it was soooooooo valuable, two years before my parents ate stale mildew bread, peels of the potatoes that the Nazis threw away, to survive, we Never spoke before our parents, and their word was holy, we NEVER allowed others belittle our siblings, because we didn’t have grandparents to brag about us, we had to work hard to succeed, NOT exactly to be top in the class, but NOT to be persecuted.
      This has NOTHING to do with preperation at 18 or 30 it is all about the wrong upbringing and values instilled in children, everyone is just perfect, if Hashem Yishmor you tell someone they are doing something wrong, you are affecting them psychologically. Instead of instilling value to even minor stuff, they blow the kids ego to heaven and DON’T you dare criticize them, because they can find someone to smother them with falsehood. SHAMEFUL

  2. In general , schools and yeshivas rules are nor not a secret before you apply, begin there. Choose to follow , or go elsewhere. Or understand the ramifications of breaking it. To the comment on embarrassment, I dont see public humiliation here other than matzav reporting it and this groom likely isnt on matzav. Noone expected otherwise I’m sure. Perhaps they broke the rule with daas torah, still the yeshiva needs to uphold and enforce policies otherwise they become unimportant and the yeshiva a non serious laughing stock

    • Daas Torah? What is that? Its a women kind of thing? They teach it in Beth Yakovs? I finished Shas, Shulchan Oruch etc. Never heard that expression before. Is this something new invention? Even the Misneh Berure (less than 100 year old ) never mentioned it. Can you tell us who invented this ? What it means ? Is it Chabad or similar? The Satmer Rav who was considered Gadol Hador forbid to go to the Kotel. All the people who go to daven there are against this DassTorah?

  3. Chasidic yeshivas the bochurim are encouraged to get married early, at age 18 or 19, in accordance with the literal interpretation of the Mishna “Eighteen is the age to wed.”
    This sound like the reform speaking, “literal”? that’s what it says load and clear.
    The chasidim don’t light a fire a shabbos, in accordance with the literal interpretation of the posuk ‘you shall not light a fire on the Sabbath’.


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