by Rabbi Yair Hoffman for 5TJT.com
The COVID-19 pandemic has wreaked havoc in people’s health, their jobs and parnassah, and even in Shidduchim. One young lady was left in a state of limbo on account of Corona. She recently penned the following letter to Rav Yitzchok Zilberstein. What follows is his answer.
Dear Rav Zilberstein,
This past Adar, before the Corona pandemic began, I dated a young man twice and we had agreed to a third date. Then came the travel restrictions. Since the young man is from a different city, he could not travel to my where I live, nor could I travel to where he lives. And so we stood hanging and waiting.
Now that they have removed some of the restrictions we asked the Shadchan to set up the dates again. Not knowing is something that is very difficult for me. I want to know where I stand, especially since I am a little older.
The Shadchan called back and said that the young man’s Rosh Yeshiva told him not to travel with public transportation – because that puts him in a makom sakana. He does not want to travel by taxi because this is an expense of $150. And so I stand hanging in doubt. It is very hard for me. [What should I do?]
ANSWER: The shidduch should be expedited to the best of their ability. If the young man does not have the financial wherewithal to hire a taxi – then he should direct himself to the Tzedakah organization in his city to help defray the costs of the taxi.
Sources and Reasons:
It is permitted to get engaged to a woman – even on Tisha B’Av as explained in Shulchan Aruch (OC 551:2) – so another won’t get her before he does. If that is the case, then certainly in our case – all effort should be extended to expedite the shidduch as soon as possible.
Even if there are difficulties in reaching the date Chazal tell us that a person’s shidduch is as hard as kriyas yam suf..
The Admor from Ruzhin said that every shidduch creates a remarkable simcha in shamayim – this is the reason that we see, at times, so many difficulties in a shidduch – it comes from those forces that stand against kedushah.
The Chasidic master Rav Yechezkel of Kuzmir was once asked whether to speed up a certain shidduch or to delay it, he responded, “Just like by Krias Yam Suf Hashem said, Why are you crying out to Me? Speak to the Bnei Yisroel to travel on! Rashi explains, “Now is not the time to delay in tefilos – the same is true with a Shidduch – it is not the time to delay, and it should be expedited as much as he can.
Every simcha creates Heavenly joy and an Ais Ratzon that has the capability of putting an end to this pandemic. Therefore, one should not delay. . If the young man does not have the financial wherewithal to hire a taxi – then he should direct himself to the Tzedakah organization in his city and ask them for help in hachnasas kallah – there is no greater hachnassas kallah then this – establishing another shidduch in Klal Yisroel.
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