Pushing Off the Upsherin

    16

    By Rabbi Yair Hoffman for 5tjt.com

    Join our WhatsApp group

    Subscribe to our Daily Roundup Email


    Question:  A woman has a son with adorable blond curly hair.  She is finding it enormously difficult to cut her son’s hair at age three.  Can she push off the upsherin for this reason?

    It is this author’s view that this question has been presented to Rabbis for hundreds of years – not to take anything away from the cuteness of the child’s hair.   But first, let’s first get some background.  The minhag of delaying the first haircut is one of Chassidim, sefardim, and also anshei maaseh.  The purpose of it is to train children in the minhag of being careful not to violate the prohibition of cutting off the payos.

    Rav Chaim Vital attests that his Rebbe, the Arizal performed his son’s haircut at Meron following the known custom.

    The custom seems to be entrenched in the very words of the Mechaber, Rav Yoseph Karo himself [ Shulchan Aruch OC 531:6]. The Minhag is further discussed in the Be’er Heitev 531:7.  The Gan HaMelech cited there writes that one may push off an upsherin [that falls earlier] until Chol HaMoed.  This is, apparently, in order to enhance the Yom Tov.  The Gan haMelech writes that one should not, however, do it earlier.  It should also be done through a Jewish barber.

    Rav Boruch Sperber zt”l (1875-1962) in his responsa Afrekasta D’anya (Vol. I #161) writes that it may only be done for a great need such as enhancing the Yom Tov or to celebrate it on LagBaOmer to perform it at Meron on the yartzeit of Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai.

    The Ramah in Yoreh Deah 245:8 citing Don Yitzchak Abarbanel (1437-1508) writes that immediately upon the child turning three years of age – one begins to teach him the letters of the Torah.

    Rabbi Dovid HaLevi (1586-1667), author of the TaZ, writes that there is an allusion to this from the verse (Vayikra 19:23) three years they shall be areilim.  “When you come to the Land and you plant any food tree, you shall surely block its fruit – ve’araltem; it shall be blocked from you for three years, not to be eaten.”

    Furthermore, since it is done for the purpose of chinuch in the Mitzvah of not cutting the peyos – this is a Mitzvah in the Torah and is considered chinuch for the lo saasehs in the Torah too.  Since the cutting of hair, and beginning of teaching Torah go hand in hand – the indication is that it should not be delayed at all.  The Vilna Gaon cites the Midrash Tanchuma that the verse is also referring to young boys – who do not yet know Torah – and the fourth year –  the father sanctifies him to Torah.

    The Gemorah in Psachim (68b) states, “Beloved is a Mitzvah in its time.”  Rav Yeshayah Slomovitz in his Avnei Shoham (#99) further writes that it is improper to keep a child in a state of “Arelus” longer than necessary.

    What happens if the child turns three on, say, Erev Sukkos?  The Chuster Rav, Rabbi Moshe Grunwald zt”l (1853-1910), in his Arugas HaBosem responsum [OC 210] writes that one does not do so before its time, citing a number of proofs from the halachic concept of Orlah. The Klausenberger Rebbe in his responsum Divrei Yatziv (#91 in Hashmatos) also writes that one does not cut the hair earlier and he should wait until Chol HaMoed.  Rav Vosner zt”l in his Shaivet haLevi (Volume VIII #206) however, seems to indicate that this may not necessarily be the case.  He questions that Arugas HaBosem’s proof from Orlah and points out that there are cases of Orlah where it is shorter than three years! He also cites the ruling of the Satmar Rebbe cited in Tiferes Naftali page 86 that when the third birthday falls on a Shabbos, there may be an inyan of Kavod Shabbos to perform the haircut on Erev Shabbos – Friday.

    It seems that this issue of doing it a day or two before the third birthday or afterward is one of the halachic debates which exist between Klausenberger Chassidim and Satmar Chassidim.

    CONCLUSION

    It would seem from all of this that, no matter how cute the child is, one should not delay the haircut unless there is halachic reason in which to do.  As an aitza tova, you could video the event and take a number of pictures before the actual haircut and save some of the hair.

    The author can be reached at [email protected]


    Listen to the VINnews podcast on:

    iTunes | Spotify | Google Podcasts | Stitcher | Podbean | Amazon

    Follow VINnews for Breaking News Updates


    Connect with VINnews

    Join our WhatsApp group


    16 Comments
    Most Voted
    Newest Oldest
    Inline Feedbacks
    View all comments
    Reb Yid
    Reb Yid
    3 years ago

    The author’s bringing in shulchan aruch to support the notion of upsherin is incorrect. The Ramoh says nothing about it, because it was unknown in Europe at the time, and it’s fairly dishonest to bring in his statement about the age of bringing the kid to cheder as some sort of support for a haircutting party. The Mechaber says farkert, in that seif that this author says supports upsherin at 3, that the kids hair can be cut whenever. And if you look at the kaf hachaim there, he quotes that it’s some sort of minhag eretz yisroel, and some people do it at age 5. חדשים מקרב באו לא שערום אבתיכם (and if you catch the pun there…)

    S. Moishe
    S. Moishe
    3 years ago

    For a very different perspective on this issue, see “Shroshei Minhag Ashkenaz” by Rabbi Hamburger, 3rd volume.
    This discussion is far from complete without it.

    Secular
    Secular
    3 years ago

    Unclear, so Indian women cutting their hair to forsake vanity is questionable idolatry. But to create a Yom Tov and dedicate the cutting of hair to a person (Rashbi) and a place (Meron) is ok ?

    Upshern
    Upshern
    3 years ago

    The Lubavitcher Rebbe said it’s very important. And he knew everything that all the commenters here know, and still came to that conclusion

    Enough already
    Enough already
    3 years ago

    Skvira Hasidim cut the hair of their boys at two years old.

    Real Ashkenazim reject this new, questionable upsherin custom totally.

    The idea that it is chinuch for the mitzvah of peiyos is a post-facto manufactured justification of it. If it is indeed chinuch for that mitzvah, why is it not started ASAP? Do you wait three years to be mechanech a child in the mitzvah of not eating treife food?

    AUTHOR RESPONDS: IT IS A MINHAG YISROEL THAT GOES BACK MANY HUNDREDS OF YEARS. PERSONALLY, I DO NOT HAVE THE MINHAG, BUT DO NOT DISPARAGE A MINHAG YISROEL..

    Letting the hair of little boys grow long, in the manner of little girls is a sheila of לא ילבש גבר שמלת אשה. You are being mechanech little boys to be like girls, which is against the Torah. Instead of promoting fanciful explanations to support this new custom, it should be rejected entirely.

    חדש אסור מן התורה

    e.g.
    e.g.
    3 years ago

    So sick and tired of the idea that blonde hair is superior. The premise of this article is ridiculous and outside the scope of Jewish values even if the Torah discussion is holy. Why base a halachic discussion on blond curly hair. What the Mother is really saying is that SHE is not ready for her baby to grow up. The “aytza” at the conclusions is unnecessary (fairly certain she is already taking pictures and videos) . Perhaps a better aytza would be to focus on the childs new mitzvahs, yarmulka and tzitzis, learning alef bes, brachos and davening, doing chessed and giving tzedaka etc. THere is much a Mother can do there as she is responsible from alef ad taf and not just to curl her sons blonde hair.

    Sam
    Sam
    3 years ago

    lol Another vitally important topic to discuss when 250,000 Americand are dead from covid, entire countries locking down and the vaccine not yet available due to trump bungling. Yawn

    Dr. Fauciwitz
    Dr. Fauciwitz
    3 years ago

    Another vitally important topic to discuss when 250,000 Americand are dead from covid, entire countries locking down and the vaccine not yet available due to trump bungling. Yawn.